senseless shouting

final(s/ly)

Things to be thankful for:

I am the luckiest of all the ducks- Today was my last day of classes for the semester. Meaning after finals I will officially be half way done my undergrad! (Not gunna lie I feel like I should be done already, but this is a positive post so disregard any parentheses comments). I also have an amazing boy who takes the very best care of me and his hard work this semester with keeping both of us motivated. Speaking of work, I love my public speaking students! I don’t mind that they always make me stay late to work one on one with them, I don’t even mind that they email me 1000 times a day. I cannot wait until I have my own classroom. And of course a shout out to my weekend job which is another passion, babies babies babies. And my summer job, going to camp was one of the best decisions of my life. Wanakee forever! Beyond just being happy to be employed I am blessed enough to have three jobs that not only are supporting me through my college career but I honestly LOVE all of them. As for school work- papers are not fun but I always enjoy writing my lesson plans even if just for an assignment. I also just submitted a scholarship application, and I am super thankful for scholarships so wish me luck. Now as much as I appreciate work I am also thankful to have the day off tomorrow to celebrate. This is a very special celebration, the joining of families in adoption. My Eller cousins will officially become Healey and I could not be more proud. I am so excited to be a part of this big day. Speaking of family, I am incredibly  spoiled to have such a wonderful mom, she is strong and beautiful. And I will be spending the entire weekend with her at home. HOME, really something to be thankful for, and my bed! Can’t forget the reason for going home, all my stuff. Right now my stuff seems annoying, I have a lot of stuff and as much as it sticks to move I am lucky to have it. My grandparents, two of my favorite people in the world, are in for a lot of family time this weekend. I may even see my Dad this weekend! I am also so thankful for Sister skype today and am very much looking forward with my potential vacation with her. 

Boy in back! I am so proud of him, anyway I need to go tell him how thankful I am to have him. I could go on with this post all night. All in all today was a long day, but being thankful reminds me how luck I am. Thank you tumblr for listening to me as always. 

(One more quick thing, when the fake bell tower at school plays here comes the sun it brightens my days, so thanks to George Harrison)

on the twelfth day

I hear my great grandmother was an amazing women.

Although to me she was unfamiliar even through my youngest years. She told me, age makes more wrinkles on the face than on the brain. This was true in her case. Her cheeks were a road map of her troubles, her successes and her journey through life. She was a strong women, she spoke her mind and had more determination than anyone else I have ever met. Her powerful voice frightened me and I never liked visiting. The shotgun on her table didn’t help sooth my worried looks. Her tone was deep and raspy her hands were worn and tough. She loved me even when I cried and wouldn’t leave the step. Her house gave me the creeps, the floorboards made me cringe, even the creaky squeaky door made my heart beat fast. Although I never loosened up I always listened close. She told of the twelfth day and that it could bring luck. She told me that old native tale of this magic day determining the rest of the month, make it a good one she said. We were never close but she held my respect and I held a new stitched pair of wool socks each Christmas. She taught me things I’ll always love in our short time on Earth. When she passed away my mom she cried for weeks, I never thought things would be the same as they were before that day. She lives in all of us a small piece here and there. I see her in my dreams sometimes and remember how much she cared. Her raspy voice still jumps me her wrinkles still run deep she reminds to see nature and to love all things. 

We will be known forever by the tracks we leave behind. 

I hear my great grandmother was an amazing women and I always remember on the twelfth day… that she was

ValiDATE me!

compliments are in high demand in this struggling economy

lonely girls worldwide are suffering!

we need to find a way to validate them especially in such a small community

help from boys not only in our town, but in the surrounding areas, will be beneficial to all involved these young men will learn respect, responsibility, and other vital meaningful lessons that will be helpful not only in their love lives but in all aspects of life and the young women all over the world will be validated, therefore assisting our community to a deep extent

benifits would include self confidence, independence, and that warm fuzzy feeling you get when a someone really cute talks to you, leading to a drop in depression, loneliness, and even suicide as you can see, through our new program: “ValiDATE me!”

my partner and i are prepared to take a deeper toll into the lives of women, fully reversing emotional losses and heartbreak. in every way, this benefits every person around the country, equaling a happier and healthier america.

this project is not a dream but a reality. we plan to work harder longer and more diligently then most until this life long goal has been completed.

when our program is launched you will be able to see results within days. these results will not go unnoticed. all men shall be working towards a common goal and all women shall me happy and appreciated. And we shall achieve world peace

we would like to thank the following boys, without them, our lives would not be complete: kevin, eli, donny and brian

as well as tadd and nick (this includes king, hill, carrier, etc.) of course.

thank you for listening i now invite all of you to tell me how beautiful i am

I just found this document on my computer that Aimee and I wrote four years ago making fun of the serious aspect of seslc. And it made me 1. miss high school 2. miss Aimee and 3. remember that I am the funniest.

the reacher

“I’m lonely. Why do you think I had to learn to act so independent? I also get mad too quickly, and I hog the covers, and my second toe is longer than my big one. My hair has it’s own zip code. Plus, I get certifiably crazy when I’ve got PMS. You don’t love someone because they’re perfect. You love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.” 

homeostasis

…the automatic tendency to maintain a relatively constant environment. 

Something familiar. Someone who loves you, or a lot of people that love you. Some place that used to be the only place that could make life simple.

I have a big decision in front of me. Do I take something I do not deserve and enjoy it, or do I earn something I will probably hate.

Maybe I won’t hate it. Maybe I do deserve it. Maybe I have earned it. Maybe it wouldn’t be that great anyway. Maybe this is a new beginning. Maybe this is an end to an era, I just wish it had ended on a stronger note, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it to end at all.

They always told us to hold on to it while we could, it won’t last forever. We laughed at them, we told them they were wrong. We were different. We were where we belonged. We would buy that house that overlooked the lake we would stay there forever and we would never lose the magic. We were so happy then. And now… Well now we’re older. We changed. It all changed. I’ve done what I said I never would. I’m thinking what I never thought I would think. And our friendships are where I never pictured them to be. 

Everyone must belong somewhere… I know that now? Guess I still just don’t really know where that is.

I still believe in the magic, maybe I just can’t feel it right now. Maybe someday I will get it back. Maybe in a few months, or years. Even if I never get it back I will always know it is there. And it will always be there because it saved me once and I will never forget how I felt on that day. 

I don’t know what the future holds or where this crazy journey will take me , but it helps to know I can hold your hand on the way. And I am okay, because I know the magic is there. With or without me. 

bad day

I actually don’t like valentines day.

I’m a little bit loosing my mind. 

I really really really want to go home.

I don’t want to talk to anyone, or see anyone, or do anything.

This has nothing to do with my wonderful boyfriend.

This has to do with hating everything.

I have no idea why I am so angry and frustrated.

mind over matter

whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead

Contreltophobia.

Dwelling on the past,
both a physical and emotional
pain to suffer through, where
my breath felt as if it were caught,
lodged and building up at an 
alarming rate, right in the middle
of my quiet and straining throat. 
I couldn’t breathe, I grabbed at
my neck, begged my cords to 
offer at least a slight noise, 
anything to know I still had 
a voice left inside of me

But that wasn’t the worst of it,
oh no, that was simply the beginning. 
My mind hurt, I could feel my
pulse beating inside of my skull,
my temples throbbing a heavy
and somewhat beautiful melody.
The pounding made my eyes
water, and if I had a voice left,
I’d scream, I promise that I’m not
what you think I am, 

But that wasn’t me anyway, was it?

twothousandandtwelve

Neil Gaiman

We’ve been inseparable all these years and now… separation… separation anxiety

she won’t be gone forever

just one year.

ONE YEAR! my bangs could be totally grown out by then… just to put it into perspective. 

She is not moving away forever, so why does it feel like she is… sometimes when your expected to say something really meaningful it becomes almost impossible to say anything at all. 

Ever notice how when your standing right next to something it always seems so big and important but when you get enough distance that same thing can suddenly feel tiny and maybe even insignificant. until your so far away you have to really strain to see it at all. new experiences are always technicolor. larger than life. going to a place that you’ve never been to before makes you reexamine everything. but staying behind is what creates the real emptiness. still, there is something magical about saying goodbye, it’s as if in that one single moment you suddenly appreciate everything about the person you are saying goodbye to all at once and no other thought can intercept that.

its going to be a long year without my sister

we are perfect for each other

ames-bury:

It’s not that I’m a shitty friend, it’s that I’m hibernating in a pit of depression and I’d rather stay home and cry than see anyone’s face.